


i bet we both taste like glitter

by arbitrage



Category: Descendants (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F, chad charming is a pop star, doug is the MC of Auradon Idol, mal ships choug, maleficent as a 50s housewife aesthetic fan, modern!AU, yzma cameo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-28
Updated: 2015-08-28
Packaged: 2018-04-17 14:46:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4670642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arbitrage/pseuds/arbitrage
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A somewhat modern!au in which Evie drags Mal into helping her with a beauty competition for their school’s cosmetology department. And of course, who can resist that lovely face?</p><p>Malvie/Eval with a side of Jaylos; 3151 words. Nothing too crazy, except for Maleficent’s wardrobe choices.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i bet we both taste like glitter

The school is full of whackjobs, Mal realizes one day, when a laughing girl with dark blue hair (“ _That’s_  definitely against school rules,” she tells herself, though she really can’t talk– she got dress coded last week for coming to class with her locks dyed purple) slams into her on her way to AP Chemistry.

The girl is in the same grade as her; Mal’s pretty sure she has first period with this chick. At any rate, what’s she doing barreling down the hallway so quickly–

Mal’s train of thought grinds to an immediate stop as the girl looks up, an apology forming between naturally red lips.

 _Oh._  Oh damn, she is  _gorgeous_.

The other girl seems to realize something, because she stops midway through the word “sorry” before her arm shoots out and grips Mal’s face with soft hands (sensation ruined by the girl’s fingernails digging into her cheeks, but she quickly notices Mal’s discomfort and lets up a little). She leans in uncomfortably close, dark eyes staring intently into Mal’s soul.

The shorter girl feels a little overexposed after two very long seconds.

“Oh my  _goodness,_  you’re  _PERFECT,”_  Miss Sapphire-Beach-Waves declares, voice stuck between a hiss and a whisper of awe.

 _I could say the same about you,_  Mal wants to reply, but her lips are kind of squished to the point where she’s probably the spitting image of Melody’s mom’s fish, Flounder.

And of course Mal’s not quite sure what makes her so perfect, but she manages to mutter an, “Uh, thanks?” after the girl releases her face to grab a notebook out of her bag. Mal watches her flip to a blank page, scribble something down using a sparkly golden pen with an apple bouncing back and forth off the end, and then rip the page out.

“Hand,” she commands, and Mal holds hers up without question. The girl slaps the paper into her open palm before grinning at her (those teeth could blind someone, good lord) and exiting the corridor to beat the tardy bell.

Mal tucks the paper into her jacket pocket and continues on her way, only to find that Ms. Yzma’s looking at her a little funny from the doorway of her chemistry class.

“Do I want to know?” the heinously thin woman asks. Mal shrugs while walking into the room; she’s not quite sure what happened either.

* * *

Mal comes home to her mother, an eccentric, gothic 50′s-inspired Tupperware and kitchen-supply enthusiast, who greets her in a black, horned chef’s hat as she pulls a tuna casserole out of their vintage oven.

“Welcome back to the lair, Mini-Me!” Maleficent trills, kicking the oven shut with a resounding clank. She sets the casserole onto the counter to cool and tosses her baking mitts haphazardly across the kitchen.

“Got your tongue ready to taste my latest concoction?”

Maleficent waves a dramatic hand towards the casserole, and Mal suppresses an inward groan. She should’ve known that her mother had been experimenting again– tuna casseroles are usually never just tuna casseroles.

“I’ll save it for dinner, mom– I’ve got homework,” Mal answers with a small smile. Maleficent rolls her eyes.

“Can’t believe I’ve got a such goody two-shoes living under this roof,” she mutters. “Don’t kids these days know how to live a little? Whatever! Do as you must. Tonight’s meal will be ready in approximately another hour.”

And with that, Maleficent spins on her heel and makes a beeline for their fridge (affectionately nicknamed the “Wickedaire” for the sinister noises it makes at three in the morning). Mal shakes her head, gripping the banister as she walks upstairs, leather backpack hanging off her shoulder. When she gets to her room, she dumps the contents of her bag out on her bed and flops onto the mattress with a resounding ‘fwoosh’.

Of the things that didn’t immediately go flying off the bed upon Mal’s landing, one of them is a crumpled sheet of notebook paper with twos line of messy handwriting on it. Mal inches forward to pluck it off of her comforter and pulls it closer to her.

The teenage girl manages to decipher the chicken scratch to say “ _Text Evie”_  followed by an atrociously scrawled phone number. It takes some work, but Mal types out what she hopes are the correct digits (“Oh shit, wait, that’s a zero, not a six,”) and sends a tentative,  _“Is this Evie?”_  to the other person. She decides to give the person time to reply, and sets her phone aside while she starts on Ms. Yzma’s worksheets.

Ten seconds later, there’s a buzz right by her knee as her phone lights up with a new message.

It is, in fact, Evie from the collision on the way to fifth period, who has responded with an overly enthusiastic,  _“YES OMG IS THIS THE CUTIE PATOOTIE FROM THE HALLWAY :) :) :)”_

Mal, admittedly, feels an extremely embarrassing tingle in her chest at the thought of being considered a “cutie patootie” by someone that pretty.

 _“Uh, yeah,”_  she types.  _“My name is Mal??”_

She doesn’t really know why she sounds so unsure of her own name.

Mal realizes that Evie is an extremely fast texter. Just moments after she sends her message, the girl replies with,  _“That’s such a cute name wowie OMG OKAY SO HERE’S THE DEAL,”_ and proceeds to give Mal an intense, fast-paced rundown of her current situation.

Apparently Evie is a student working with the cosmetology department of the school, and they’re preparing for a beauty contest where they’ll be facing their rival high school. Unfortunately, they’re horribly lacking in volunteers and also  _MAL YOU HAVE THE GREATEST EYELASHES I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE SO WOULD YOU PLEASE HELP US OUT JUST FOR TWO WEEKS IT’S NOT A BIG DEAL AND I’LL PAY YOU IN FOOD AND MAKEOVERS :’( :’( :’( PLS PLS PLS!!!!_

And Mal can’t really say no to that because 1) Evie was kinda really fuckin’ hot so spending two weeks with her after school doesn’t seem like that bad of a deal, and 2) free food and the opportunity to look good every single day? Sure, why not.

So THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is how Mal ends up at a beauty tournament on a Saturday at eight in the morning, with zero hours of sleep and zero ounces of caffeine in her. As three energetic girls invade her personal space (“It should be illegal to be  _this_  alive  _this_  early,” she tells herself), Mal decides that probably wasn’t worth it to stay up all night drawing fanart of pop star Chad Charming with the MC from Auradon Idol. (What was his name again? Dylan? David? Oh, yeah,  _Doug._ )

Her half-open green eyes lazily glance towards the other end of the stage, where some kid with white hair and dark roots has the chin of a smirking teenager in his hand as he sculpts his cheekbones with a powder-tipped brush. Behind him, a brunette and an awkward fair-haired boy skuttle around preparing clothes and makeup supplies.

Mal feels the weight of a long day ahead of her come crashing onto her eyelids. She’s going to need matchsticks to hold them up.

* * *

An entire hour passes before the announcer for the event declares that everyone take a fifteen-minute break. The trio around Mal finally disperses, giving her a chance to inhale more oxygen in the next five seconds than she has in the past thirty minutes. The girl with the brown waves (Audrey; in charge of hair) runs to the coffee station backstage for a quick drink, while the Asian girl (Lonnie; in charge of nails and outfitting) exits the auditorium to take a leak. Evie is busy fanning herself nervously, and Mal takes the time to ask her a little about their competition– the Hounds.

The blue-haired girl is glad to have a distraction. She pulls up a chair next to Mal’s and scoots in close enough for Mal to smell her perfume– which is honestly strong enough when she’s standing three feet away.

“Why’re they called the Hounds?” Mal asks.

“Ben and Jane are Sherlock Holmes fans,” Evie explains, nodding in the direction of the two people on the opposing team. Mal watches them tap their iced lattes together before they each inhale the coffee through their straws.

“Their full name is the Hounds of Baskerville.”

Mal raises an eyebrow, and Evie giggles.

“Don’t be like that, it’s not like our name sounds any better.”

She is definitely right. Mal agrees wholeheartedly. ( _Aeschynanthus_  isn’t exactly easy to pronounce, but given that they have a  _nerd_  leading their team, nobody is surprised when Evie tells them that their name is the scientific term for the lipstick plant.)

Evie points at the Bleach King next, who is spending his break scarfing down a chocolate donut from a box near the long-haired boy’s chair.

“That’s Carlo de Vil,” she says. “We’re childhood friends, but we’re constantly heading it off over fashion. He probably hates his team’s name; he’s always been afraid of dogs.”

She explains Carlos’ transition from a timidly stylish boy into a flashy, fashionable teenager. It was a positive change, Evie admits, but there are times when she wishes he didn’t talk so much.

Next she points at the boy Carlos has been showering with attention– Jay, a.k.a. the MVP of the soccer team and Carlos’ new boyfriend. Evie makes it  _very_  clear that she disapproves of the relationship, and the irritation is most prominent when she talks about Jay’s flirtatious reputation.

“Not to mention that he’s a  _thief!”_  Evie exclaims, voice escalating into a shout. Jay and Carlos actually look up at the noise, but the two girls divert their gazes as to not come off as suspicious.

“Thief?” Mal pries. Evie nods violently.

“He almost got caught stealing a six-pack from the Hook’s Hallows liquor store uptown! I swear, Mal, do  _not_  get me started on all the reasons my sweet honeybun blueberry pancake best friend Carlos de Vil should not be dating a  _hooligan_   _who doesn’t know how to keep his jeans zipped for more than two seconds!_  My darling Carlos is a beautiful cinnamon roll, too good for this world, too pure–” 

Evie pauses mid-rant in surprise.

“Gosh, I’m so sorry Mal, I forgot to ask if you needed anything. We’ve been at it for a while; you want some water? Coffee? Do you need to use the restroom?? I’m so sorry we dragged you here, and  _before noon!”_

Mal shakes her head and offers the other girl a small smile.

“I’m fine. This is all really fun,” she insists, and Evie breathes a contented sigh.

“I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself, then,” she says, and pats Mal on the knee before shoving a water bottle into her hands, despite her initial rejection. Mal laughs and takes a few sips before setting it aside. She looks over in Carlos’ direction just in time to catch the boy making dagger-eyes at Evie. When Mal turns her head to see if she noticed, she finds Evie making the “got-my-eyes-on-you” hand motions right back at him.

Mal snorts in amusement.

Break time ends as Lonnie sprints back from the bathroom, and everyone gets right back into Mal’s personal bubble as they glam her up.

* * *

Somewhere in the middle of the second half of the contest, there is a loud clatter, and someone on Carlos’ team yells in surprise. Everyone hovering around Mal looks up as the brunette and her partner scramble to pick up their clothing rack, which had been knocked over by god-knows-what. Carlos sighs loudly and exclaims, “Ben are you  _fucking_  KIDDING ME _,”_ loud enough for the entire country to hear.

In an attempt to keep things moving while they clean, the brunette tosses Carlos a hairbrush and the delicately-built male begins de-tangling the mess that is Jay’s hair.

When Jay yelps at a particularly tightly-woven knot being pulled, Carlos calls him something rude.

( _Such a foul mouth for this small of a guy_ , Mal thinks.)

Another ten minutes pass and suddenly Evie yells, “FINISHED!”

Audrey and Lonnie immediately rush over and yank Mal out of the chair before ushering her towards the makeshift changing station.

Behind the curtain, Lonnie zips Mal into a lacy purple dress layering into a voluminous base. It matches her hair, which they redyed into its radiant purple to catch the attention of the judges. Mal shivers slightly as Lonnie hooks the cold metal of jewelry around her neck, letting a fan of emeralds glitter over her collarbones. A similarly embellished bracelet is clipped to her wrist, followed by a pair of teardrop-shaped earrings. Finally, the cosmetology student urges Mal into a pair of purple heels then nudges her back out into the light, where Audrey is waiting to give her a final touch of hairspray and a quick once-over. At the same time, Jay is being examined by Carlos, the shorter boy brushing things off his boyfriend’s shoulders and turning his face side to side to check the foundation.

When the two teams are ready, Mal finds herself being shooed away to meet Jay at center stage. Compared to Evie’s group, Carlos and the others had designed Jay’s appearance using a palette of dark colors. She takes in the final product with a sweeping glance– Jay’s brown eyes are lined with kohl, smudged in all the right places, and his hair tumbles off his shoulders with just a slight curl towards the ends. Ben has dressed him tastefully in a maroon leather jacket over a white tank top and well-fitted black jeans tucked into combat boots.

Mal silently applauds Carlos for scoring such a good-looking guy. She takes another quick look at Evie’s childhood friend and sees him high-five Jane and Ben.

Mal draws in a sharp breath as the three judges stand from their seats in the audience and approach Jay and Mal for inspection. Mal recognizes one as Miss White, founder of Whistle Cosmetics (Evie, Audrey, and Lonnie talk nonstop about her products). On either side of her are Ella Charming (of Cinderscents, most famous for its perfume line designed to last even through a good day’s work) and T.B. (of Neverland Skincare, known to give users a youthful appearance).

Miss White tilts Mal’s chin upwards on smooth fingertips, checking the neatness of her lipstick, and brings her face inches away from the smaller girl’s to examine Evie’s carefully-applied eyeshadow. Ella flanks Jay and lifts one of his hands up to study his nails, and when she does, T.B. swoops in and smells his wrist with a curious face. The blonde pauses before speaking.

“What is that? I like it.”

Mal catches Jane smiling behind Ben.

“What?” Ella asks, and T.B. passes her Jay’s wrist so she can take a sniff.

“Oh, that  _is_  nice. Not one of mine, though.”

Miss White stops what she’s doing, one of Mal’s curls pinched between her fingers, and turns to the other two questioningly. T.B. pulls Jay over, arm still outstretched, and Miss White inhales.

“This is…new. I’ve never smelled this before.”

Mal looks towards Evie, who has a hand over her face. Whatever cologne Carlos’ team doused Jay in is about to make them lose the contest.

Miss White drags her eyes over Jay, from hair to outfit. Then she gazes back down at Mal to give her another scan. Ella and T.B. come a little closer to give Mal their own quick appraisals.

“What do you think, ladies?” T.B. inquires, after a long moment of silence. Ella purses her pink lips, deep in thought. Miss White entertains a similar expression.

“Call the students over,” Miss White says, finally. Jay and Mal each gesture for their teams to join them. Evie, Audrey, and Lonnie are at her side in seconds.

The three judges proceed to fire questions at each trio; Mal can only catch a few of them on Evie’s end–  _“What was used on the lips?” “Briar Rose as a base with Eternal Slumber gloss.”_   _“Eye palette?” “Mermaid Cove.” “Scent?” “No Rest For the Wicked, from Gothel Brews.”_ (Miss White raises an eyebrow there, but nods approvingly nonetheless.)

The judges form a cluster off at the edge of the stage for one final consultation. Evie sneaks peeks in Carlos’ direction; the freckled boy looks as nervous as she does. Jay’s got an arm fitted around his waist, and Mal gets the urge to do something of the same degree to comfort her blue-haired friend. She settles for curling her pinky around the other girl’s, and Evie beams at her radiantly.

There’s not much Mal can do about the heat rushing across her cheeks, but it makes the other girl laugh. They put their attention back to the front when the judges face them once more.

“Both subjects were very well taken care of,” Ella begins, hands clasped together over her blue skirt, “But I’m afraid that there can only be one winner here.”

All eyes are on the woman as her lips part to say the name of the more worthy team.

“This year the award goes to…”

Both groups stare at Ella expectantly. T.B. and Miss White watch Ella Charming’s face morph from confused to almost pain-stricken as she reads the paper in her hand.

“I’m sorry,” she finally says. “I’m not quite sure how to pronounce this. Is it A–”

“ _Aeschynanthus!”_ Evie shouts, cutting her off, and Ella nods.

“Uh, yes, that. Congratulations, ladies.”

Audrey, Lonnie, and Evie all clamor together in a mass of gleeful shrieks, grabbing each other’s hands as they jump up and down. Carlos sighs in disappointment, but he’s smiling like the rest of them. Jay shrugs, and claps for the screaming girls. The rest of his team follow suit.

Evie grabs Mal and pulls her into a hug, yelling incoherently into her ears about how happy she is and suddenly the blue-haired beauty takes Mal by the shoulders and presses her lips to hers and  _wow._

_She tastes like apples._

* * *

Ben takes the liberty of treating all eight of them out to lunch post-competition at a restaurant a little further downtown. (“Benefits of being rich as fuck,” Jay snorts, but the other boy pretends not to hear him.) As Audrey rages down the street in her car, Evie and Mal hold hands in the back seat even while being tossed back and forth by their friend’s ridiculous driving. Lonnie is stuck in the passenger seat, hands tightly clutching whatever she can grab that will last the duration of the ride.

“Girlfriend?” Carlos asks, glancing at their laced fingers upon their arrival, and Evie smiles brightly, all teeth.

“Only if she’ll take me to dinner first,” she replies with a laugh, directing the response at the purple-haired girl beside her.

Mal has never said yes to anything so fast in her life.

**Author's Note:**

> i can't help but infuse kristen chenoweth into maleficent's character,, it' in my blood. also, i loved making all of these fairy tale references. wow. i'm great at this
> 
> (Episode 1 of "Adam praises his own writing skills without shame".)


End file.
